Around 4am one recent morning, I couldn’t get back to sleep. This happens frequently enough that my doctor prescribed me a (non-narcotic) sleeping aid, but I’m so worried about taking drugs that usually have wildly different effects on my system, I usually skip it. (It’s weird, because this particular prescription has pretty much gotten the job done without any annoying side effects, but I am still hesitant to take it. Add it to the list of things I need to work on.) But I digress (add “digressing” to the list . . .).
When I tried to fill my mind with soothing images or thoughts to help me drift back to dreamland, it seemed like every area of my life I turned my attention to is fraught with some level of stress. There is HUGE stress (Annie’s ongoing cancer treatments) and mild stress (my ongoing attempts to find work) and even conjuring up the cottage in Maine isn’t safe, because the last time I was there I realized just how much work needs to be done to bring it back to at least decent shape.
Damn.
How could someone who considers herself fairly lucky in most matters have this much stress in her life? (Me. I’m referring to me.) I generally have a positive outlook and feel confident in my abilities to sort through things. I balk at some tasks (See: List of Things To Work On) but I can pretty much be counted on to see a project to completion or come through for a friend. As long as I can remember to do those things.
In the midst of this piling up of stressful and sleep-depriving situations, I found myself at Annie’s house. Since I had been in Maine for a few weeks, the day after I got home, I ended up picking up Luca from summer camp and bringing him back to his house to wait for Annie to come home from work. Actually, Angelo and I both picked him up since we are down a car (oh…there’s that, too) and he was going to drop me off where I would also stay overnight. Annie’s and my sleepovers have been a regular thing since Luca was a baby and I’m always happy when we can have one. So, after we stopped at the library for Luca to sign up for the TEEN summer reading program (that was a blow . . .) Angelo dropped us at Annie’s, Luca and I hung out, Annie returned from work and Angelo came back and joined us to have salads for dinner. After we dispatched Angelo back home and Luca to bed, Annie and I got in our comfies and watched a movie.
The next morning, since Annie had a test scheduled for afternoon, we decided I’d stick around. Angelo had appointments all morning and couldn’t come get me and Annie had to go to work while Luca was at camp. If I stayed put, Annie could pick up Luca, drop him with me and go to her test. It left me alone for the morning at Annie’s—without my “stuff.” I hadn’t thought to bring my computer or any of the bags and folders of papers and lists and notes and bills and mail I had to attend to. I had my phone and my calendar and Annie said I could use her computer . . . if I wanted to.
At first, after everyone was gone, all I did was make a cup of coffee and play Wordle on my phone. I wandered around the house a little bit (not in a nosy way…more like aimless) and realized there was nothing here pulling at my immediate attention. Sure, I could do some stuff around the house for Annie, but it’s not like she left a list for me. I was finally drawn to her computer and figured I could get some writing done, but not much more than that. Since I didn’t have the easy access to my files like I do on my own laptop, I could write new stuff, but the essays and manuscripts and classes I had to edit, review and plan had to wait until I got back home. Now what would I do?
I realized I had been given a little break; a gift of undemanding time during which I could do some things to settle myself a little. Have more coffee. Read some articles I saved. Nap. I had some time to conserve some energy while the stressors that still exist in my life could be held at bay for a little bit. I didn’t really have to do anything. So I didn’t.
Okay. I organized the snack shelf. But that’s it.
Oh, how you speak my mind, dear heart!
Organizing the snack shelf and being off a schedule is an excellent way to be productive😍