I don’t write about Angelo that often…or, maybe I do. Like this…and this. But I don’t write about us—our relationship. Nope. I’ve done that, too—like here…and again here. But I don’t really share the difficulties—oh, wait. Yes, I have… here.
Okay, so I write about Angelo a lot. And while it’s true that I share much about us, our relationship and our challenges, there is a large part of our relationship that is private and just ours. I do have some boundaries, after all. (See?)
This week is our 20th anniversary and due to the fact that I’m still working at reduced power (I’m not at my best, I’m at my mediocre) I checked out Amazon for a really personal and thoughtful 20th anniversary gift. I searched “20th anniversary gifts for him” --Amazon filled in the “for him” part. There were more items than I expected as I scrolled through the 17 or so pages of cute, romantic, funny and somewhat tasteless ideas of what makes a great 20th anniversary gift. For him.
While the stemless “Cheers to 20 Years!” wine glasses were a consideration (for her) most of the other gifts were a little too…schmaltzy. I’m not against schmaltz when used properly, I even titled the mix tape for our first anniversary “Anniversary Schmaltz” in honor of Angelo’s opinion about all things romantic. Way back when we were dating, Angelo started reading “Bridges of Madison County” aloud to me on the nights the kids were at their other parents’ homes. I never had anything so romantic done for me in my life, until one night, when Angelo began reading, he confessed that he couldn’t read another word. It was so…sappy! So, no sappy gifts for him.
And they were not in short supply! There were cozy blankets that extolled the virtues of husbands, frames that detailed each second of the last 20 years, hunks of crystal etched with loving sayings and every kind of his-and-hers beverage container you could imagine. Cake toppers, iron sculptures, figurines, plaques, candles and frighteningly—engraved bullets. There was a toilet night-light that I wasn’t sure was in the right category, but maybe that works for some couples. The only thing that really appealed to me was a serving dish that said, “I Still Do” in the center.
What kept my finger from clicking Add to Cart, however, was that even on the slim chance that anything I bought that was engraved, etched or otherwise personalized might bring a smile to Angelo’s face, all of it was more stuff that we’d have to find a place for. Typically, couples celebrating a 20th anniversary are in their late 40s or early 50s age wise. They might have kids at home or have a recent empty nest. They might even be happy to accumulate more stuff as loving mementos of a shared life together.
Angelo and I are not in our early or even late 50s. We’re grandparents and he is somewhat retired. We look at all of the “mementos” in our garage and our attic and our bookshelves and closets and say, “What the hell are we going to DO with all this stuff!?” So more stuff is not what we need...what we need is more time.
Not that either of us is going anywhere anytime soon and we actually spent many years working together, so time together wasn’t a big issue. It’s more the way we spend time together. Now that we’re older and even sometimes a little bit wiser, we are enjoying our time together in a deeper and more satisfying way; it is more consistent and comfortable. The old issues still pop up now and then, but we’re getting better at dispatching them more quickly if not heading them off entirely. We won’t have to worry about planning our golden anniversary, but the ones we have left will be fully celebrated. And that’s a nice feeling to have going forward.
So I didn’t get any of those schmaltzy gifts, and because Angelo will read this and wonder why I’m making him out to be anti-romantic, let me firmly dispel that notion (and potential argument) right now. Angelo is a romantic--both in the traditional ways (flowers, Prosecco, cozy nights by the fire) and in the really important ways, like supporting nearly each and every major and difficult decision I make. He’s one of the few people I like spending time with, quietly or in conversation; and he’s funny and smart and generous. He’s got this rakish smile that even writing about charges my heart to beat a little faster and he’s a lot more sentimental than he owns up to.
So, Happy 20th Anniversary, Angelo. This post is your present! I hope you like it--I know it fits.
Happy Beautiful Anniversary! Cheers!
Time, and looking into each other’s eyes—- precious. ❤️