Caregiver
At the risk of coming off like the Shameless Commerce Department, I feel compelled to share that the Pub Date for my new book is coming soon—September 17th. If you missed this news somehow, since I’ve been blabbing about it for months, the title is True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver and it is a memoir in essays about the time I spent taking care of my dad until he died in February of 2021. I say the time “I spent” because the essays focus mostly on my experience of caregiving. There were lots of other people involved—mainly Angelo—since Dad came to live with us in our home. But my whole family was impacted, including Dad, but their story isn’t for me to tell. So I stuck to mine.
I didn’t set out to write a book about the experience, but, as a writer, of course I’d write about what I—we—were going through. Writing is how I process and make sense of my world. And even though I didn’t have “my next book” in mind when I was writing, I did know it was important to write it all down as it was happening. I knew trying to recreate the experience “after” (meaning after he died) would be filtered through grief and sadness. And I felt very strongly that all the feelings should be documented.
When I began talking about how I felt about it, through my writing and a couple of speaking engagements, I found that others felt the way I did. They didn’t raise their hands in front of an audience to tell me, but afterwards, in private, they said they felt the same way. That’s one of the reasons I decided to publish my account of caregiving, all the feedback I was getting. And even though I would make the same decision over and over again, (wait…is that the definition of insanity?) it was grueling. Taking in a loved one who needs 24/7 care changes everything about a family’s life, including but not limited to schedules, finances, privacy, and mental health. That part wasn’t in the reams of information I was given; I read and heard how grateful I should be, how noble a calling it was. But it didn’t feel that way to me, nor, I’m pretty sure, to my dad. The last thing he wanted in the whole wide world was to end up living in my dining room at the end of his life.
I got some great blurbs for the book—incredible, actually. But, I will admit, there are some tepid reviews so far. I expected that. For those who haven’t actually experienced this kind of caregiving, I probably sound whiny or they think I’m being a bad daughter. I’m not trying to minimize the “meh” reviews or the reviewers because I’m truly grateful for anyone who reads it. But some come across like they might not really get what caregiving is like or why would I write about such a terrible time.
But write it I did and now I have to promote it. That takes time and effort and I’m not even close to where I should be in the posting/selling/peddling part. I didn’t even plan a book launch. There is one—at the Woodbury Library—thanks to the clever and sharp librarian who thought to book it a year ago. Part of my inability to put one together on the actual date was that Annie would have been my go-to party planner. There would have been a spreadsheet, a guest list, a selection of sweet treats, a location and swag ordered as soon as I got the first physical copies of the book back in May. I just haven’t been up to it by myself.
But none of that matters right now, because—did I mention?—it’s less than two weeks away! I am lucky to have a crack team helping me get this book out there, so there is some buzz about it, but anything on my end is penciled in. Because I’m still a caregiver, currently trying to be available for Luca when Tony has to travel. The first week that I was on duty was the week I was back at school. In addition to my class, I picked up covering another class for a couple months and unexpectedly had to create a syllabus for the time I’ll be covering. The week included Luca’s soccer tryouts, practices, and fishing dates as well as getting Charlie the dog out for some exercise (which may not have happened). I almost forgot how much time I spent in the car when my kids were in middle school! By the time I sent Luca to bed and finished the dishes, I was exhausted! Opening my computer to post a link or share a review or plan anything wasn’t even on the radar. Although it was optimistically on my to-do list. Lists.
Am I complaining? Maybe a little. I’m probably just looking for a little sympathy, because, honestly, I’d have it no other way. Like making the decision to have dad come live with us, I wouldn’t choose otherwise about being available for Luca right now. Or anyone in my family. Ever. Once a caregiver, always a caregiver.
It’s a choice.
Need some book info? Here you go! Thanks for being interested in it! xo
Check your local bookstores or pre-order online at Simon & Schuster
NetGalley Reviews - some good, some okay ;)
I look forward to reading the book, Cindy.
It’s a wonderful book and I’ll be reviewing it on Amazon on the 17th!