I am a crier. In fact, I’ve been crying for about an hour this morning—not just because I got up way too early, but also because the view just past my coffee cup is of the lake where my family has been coming every summer for nearly forty years. It’s a crisp, sunny summer morning and the air is clear—I can see the cottages on the opposite shore. The water is a deep berry blue, complementing the emerging blueberry bushes ringing the back of the deck and bringing out the rich green of the pine trees, swaying gently in the breeze.
(Oh, damn. Hang on…here I go again . . .)
It’s not just environmental—many things make me cry. If you’re a regular reader of Silver Linings, you know that the universe has had its thumb on my family’s Life Challenges scale for some time now. At any point in the day, I might start thinking of—well, name something: Annie’s cancer, the loss of my parents and my sister, Luca’s health issues (handled for now, but still . . .), our new tiny premature granddaughter presently in the NICU, the distance between us and Justine’s family in Arizona, the current Supreme Court. Why isn’t everyone crying?
Because crying is frowned upon, isn’t it? When someone points out that you are crying, it could just as easily be an accusation as a consolation. Tears are considered manipulative and conniving, particularly from women. They’re a sign of weakness, of instability, fear. People who are naturally moved to tears are called lachrymose. Who wants to be labeled with that word? It sounds like it describes a smelly, old object covered with cobwebs from the back of a cellar. Criers not only cry, we blubber, bawl, wail, howl, snivel, mewl . . . no wonder crying is so unacceptable—even the words for it sound awful.
But I think that’s only true for those who are uncomfortable with tears.
I come by crying honestly—my whole family cries. Actually, not my dad so much, nor my children or husband, but the rest of us were never far from a box of tissues. We cried at the movies, watching television, on birthdays, holidays and at television commercials. Sometimes we cried because we were laughing so hard. Does that still count? Being easily moved to tears is also described as being emotional. Which can also be looked at as slightly, er, weak. But I don’t think we were weak.
Right? There are tens of thousands of books, articles and Google results which will not only support, but extol the value of crying—and being emotional. Certainly, it’s much more acceptable than it used to be—we’re encouraged to feel and cry and emote all over the place. It’s healthy for us and more than one embroidered pillow will tell you that crying is a sign of strength, not weakness.
I still wish I didn’t cry so easily, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. Although recently I’ve tried mimicking the character Rebecca Welton from Ted Lasso when she’s trying to “make herself big” as a way to calm her nerves. She’s an imposing woman anyway, but when she wants to bolster her courage, she leans forward and deeply inhales as she practically drags all the air around her into her lungs. Then, as she raises her very-fit arms above her head, she lets out the air in a hiss and a fierce glare. It’s one of the most imposing things I’ve ever seen. However, when I do it myself—usually when I’m alone in my car or in the ladies room—I make myself laugh. So, now, whenever I feel unwanted—or inconvenient—tears coming on, I make the Fierce-Rebecca-face and suddenly I’m laughing—and not crying. For now, I don’t do this around people—yet. It may come to that one day…I hope I won’t scare anyone.
It's annoying to put on mascara in the morning, knowing full well I’ll just as likely cry it off by evening. I can try to manage my tears, but in the end, I know—I feel—that my tears are evidence of my emotions; emotions which I’m okay having. They actually are a sign of strength. For me, it means I’m open to the experiences and needs and challenges of the people in my life. Of course, it’s not always easy, but I’m going to try and be present for all of it. And if I can’t?
Well, I can always go have a good cry.
Before you go! Please consider leaving a little heart or comment. It helps make Silver Linings available to others. You can even share it using the button below! Thanks! xo
Ditto for me. Plus at certain commercials. Definitely at feelings about the lake in Michigan that I went to from the age of five until my 40s. You don’t get over that. We have tried to re-create that experience with our one week in August together in New Hampshire for the last 13 years.
Sending you a big hug and a box of tissues.