First, let’s review: We all know The Golden Rule— “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” It’s attributed to Jesus during the sermon on the Mount, but the sentiment goes back thousands of years in many different cultures. We all know it and we all (try to) practice it in some form or another. Maybe. It depends on what kind of day we’re having or if the “others” are being jerks or if we even remember to. But one thing is true—I think—regardless of who the “others” are, we are probably treating them better than we treat ourselves.
I remember one time when I met my dad for a drink at a local, fancy inn. It wasn’t something we typically did, and I don’t recall the exact circumstances, but I recall it was kind of fun to be meeting my dad for drinks. We were sitting at a low tiled table in the lounge area of the inn’s restaurant—low lights, comfy chairs, muted conversations going on in the background—and we ordered our drinks. I don’t remember what I got, but Dad “splurged” and ordered himself a Black Russian. I remember this because about a minute after our drinks came and we toasted each other and took a first sip, my dad must have misjudged the distance or something and set his glass down in some way that it tipped over, spilled across the table and ran down to the floor. He was mortified.
“Stupid!” he muttered under his breath as he tried to sop the dark liquid back into the glass. I added my flimsy cocktail napkin to the effort and fortunately the server was immediately back at our table with a bar rag and cleaned it all up pretty quickly.
“Should I get you another?” she asked, turning as she said it because of course he’d get a replacement. Right?
But he said, “No, thank you.”
“Dad!” I said, “get another drink—it was just an accident.”
But he had already decided to punish himself for being so clumsy. I think he may have asked for a glass of water instead. Of course, if the situation had been reversed, and it was I who spilled the drink, he would have ordered up a replacement before the first drop hit the floor. But he couldn’t allow that consideration for himself.
I may demonstrate some of this behavior too. But I suspect I’m not alone. Am I the only one who calls myself a dumbass when I drop the 50th thing that day? Is it just me who admonishes myself harshly for forgetting to mail out that check—again--or thinks less of myself for not doing a better job getting more exercise and losing some weight.
And what about when I get another rejection for an essay submission or manuscript? I can honestly say I’ve gotten more rejections than acceptances. Besides being a sub-adequate human, I stink at being a writer! I suck!
But what would I say to any other human on the planet if they brought me such apprehensions and faults? I’d say, “don’t beat yourself up!” “Give yourself a break!” Or, “You’re dealing with a lot of challenges now, so pace yourself—and don’t compare yourself to others.” I’d say, “You don’t know how others are dealing with their own demons…you may even be doing better than some people.”
(Oh, and I’d also say, “You’re a great writer! You just haven’t been discovered yet!” ;)
Crystal Rule: Do unto yourself as you do unto others.
So, I’m proposing the Crystal Rule: Do unto yourself as you do unto others. Be as nice to yourself as you are to some Joe you don’t even know at the coffee shop who drops his napkin and you pick it up for him. When you drop your napkin or your car keys or the 50th thing that day, chuckle and say, “whoops!” Would you call someone you love a jerk? Would you think less of a friend who forgot to meet you for lunch? No, you wouldn’t.
If you are reading this right now, you are 100% successful at making it to today. Mistakes, bad decisions, forgetfulness, clumsiness and crankiness aside, you’re fine. I’m fine. We’re going to be okay.
I am crystal clear about that.
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Great advice, Cindy. Although, I must say that I was taken aback at discovering Rule of Three reflected in the Wiccan advice you shared - does this mean I must be burned at the stake?
This was so well said and a good reminder to love ourselves too.