November has become a busy month for me in the remembering-special-days department. Especially when they come at the beginning of the month; just when I think I’ve nailed October, I flip the calendar page over and BAM: three birthdays right in a row starting November 1st. And now I have to remember the Day of the Dead, because suddenly that’s a thing. It’s actually been a thing in other cultures for a long time, but it’s a recent holiday in my awareness. And, I didn’t really pay that much attention to it, except for picking up the cute napkins I saw at Marshall’s for my Halloween décor. Until Annie got a candle that someone made for her specifically for the Day of the Dead.
She said that in addition to the essential oils, herbs, flowers and tokens melted into the wax, there was also an incantation created especially for her. She said that on this particular night a thin place exists, a collapse in the distance between heaven and earth and when she burned this candle on this particular night, we could receive messages or communication from the spirits of our dead family members. The light from the candle would guide them to us.
Um. We have a lot going on right now. As much as I miss them, do I really need those guys yacking at me, too? And then all I could think of was that old short story about the monkey’s paw . . . and how the dead return. No, thanks. But, I decided to look it up and find out more, because as much as I always say I don’t believe in signs, I respond to them time and time again.
So, it’s not as frightening or annoying as it sounds. The Day of the Dead (el Día de los Muertos), is celebrated mostly in Mexico on November 1 and 2 and it’s like a family reunion—except dead relatives are the guests of honor. In Mexico, it is a happy time for people to celebrate the memory of their loved ones. I also read that families create altars with mementos and some of the favorite foods of the deceased—just in case they arrive hungry. Had snacks been mentioned first, I might have been more open to it.
But, it was a special gift and a beautiful candle. Annie and I were the only ones home, so after she put Luca to bed, she created an inviting place on the hearth. In the center of a few other votives and tapers, she lit her candle and for a few moments, we both were still. I don’t know what was running through Annie’s thoughts, but I thought about those we’ve lost over the last few years—and it really has been only a few. I wondered if Mom, Susie and Dad had met up in some liminal coffee shop and I was pretty sure if they had, all three of them would have loads of communication for us.
And then I thought, every day is the day of the dead. I can joke all I want about creepy stories or woo-woo rituals, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish my mom, my sister and my dad were still around. How many times during the day do I think about calling my mom to tell her now I know how you felt when Susie had cancer. And Susie…she’d be all over this cancer thing with Annie. She’d be her fiercest warrior. And Dad would have a list of things she needed to eat, drink and start doing. They’re in my thoughts daily and I always wish they were here communicating with me. Our dead live among us every day. Just not in the way we want.
I’ll light all the candles I can get.
Important PS: I can talk to Richard anytime I want to and for that I’m grateful. One of those early November birthday’s is his—November 2nd.
Happy Birthday, Richard. I love you!
https://www.facebook.com/100073278102669/videos/873611647140039/