Grief Like Yours
On June 7, 2024 I sent off my last query letter to a publisher about my book, Everyday Grief, the book project I began in January of 2023. Less than a year later, on June 3rd this year, it will be available as an honest-to-God book.
I had to look up the date—it seems like it was much longer than two years ago since I decided to create a book about grief. It was the mid-point—and I only know this now—between Annie’s diagnosis with cancer and her death from the disease. On her birthday that year, she had been told she was NED (no evidence of disease) and she was out celebrating. (A month later, the skin metastasis showed up, so a short-lived celebration.) That January, I had decided to act on the idea I had been trying to conceptualize and I sent out a “Call for Submissions” and hoped people would respond.
Here’s a little bit about what I was thinking back then:
“In all my fantastical flights of imagination about what it would be like to be A Writer, creating or editing an anthology never showed up. I’ve submitted—and been accepted--to a few, but producing my own never occurred to me until a few months ago. It felt like an important project, but I had absolutely no idea how to begin it. So, naturally, without any information, planning or connections, I’m going to just do it—isn’t that what the slogan says?
It's called Everyday Grief and the idea for it came from my feeling of being under an avalanche of loss—of all kinds—and not really knowing how to deal with it. The different kinds of loss started to reveal themselves as separate but equal experiences that require energy and attention and not just all lumped together as “I’m sad.” The loss of my parents, my sister, our income during the pandemic, my life during the years of caregiving and the diagnosis of Annie’s cancer and the anticipatory grief that goes along with that—all those different types of loss demanded my attention. I was exhausted. But I also realized that I was experiencing the kind of grief that doesn’t go away—it is integrated into who I am and will impact my life from now on.
I will live it every day.”
And people did respond. I was overwhelmed by the honesty and the stories. I’ve shared a little about the experience along the way, but I don’t think I’ve ever come close to fully expressing my gratitude in being present for the stories the writers shared. Some of the writers were professionals, but for some, this was their first time writing about their loss. And it’s also the first time being published for some of them, too. You can bet I took this project seriously—there was no way I was going to let any of these writers down. This collection was going to be a book.
Once I closed the submissions, I began reading the stories and organizing them into a manuscript. I queried dozens of publishers. Then, a year ago, one was interested. Once they decided to take on the project, it became “their” project. My experience with publishing has only been with She Writes Press—a hybrid publisher—which allows a lot more author involvement. They really didn’t need me anymore once I sent in the manuscript. Lots of things changed. The title for one (although I still refer to it as Everyday Grief) and all the logistics were handled by the publisher, including communicating with the writers. Not exclusively, just for the business end of publishing a book.
It was a tiny bit difficult to let go of the project I felt so protective about. But my goal was always to share these stories because, if I’ve learned anything about grief, I know that the stories matter. Even if only to the person who wrote it down, but I think there will be a lot of people who will find solace, company, and comfort in the words these brave writers shared.
I am really proud of this book. There were some bumps along the way, a few of the bumps I created myself, but I learned so many lessons—lessons I hope to take into my next project. But I’m mostly proud of the writers who trusted me with their stories. Each one unique and each one heartfelt. I am grateful their words have guided me through the many ways grief becomes part of our lives.
I’m usually terrible at promotion, but not this time! Please buy this book! Please read it and share it and review it and tell people about it. Tell Anderson Cooper, tell Steve Colbert if you know them. Use the links below!
So happy to be a part of this project and kudos you you Cindy for leading the way!
Looking forward to reading it!