I am a swimmer.
I love to swim—in a pool, at the lake, sometimes in the ocean. (Ever since Jaws, though…it’s risky, isn’t it?) I think swimming is one of the first activities in which I felt success. And competence. During my childhood, I would have rather hid under the bleachers than suffer being the last person chosen for whatever sport we were “learning” during PE. I was terrible—clumsy, distracted, unskilled—it was awful. And embarrassing. I hated filing into the gym during class with all the other girls who seemed like they could at least put one foot in front of the other without tripping. And not to mention the added insult of having to wear a short blue gym-suit that was not only ugly, but had elastic around the legs, which accentuated my chubby thighs. Ugh. I chafe just thinking about it.
But when I was in the water, I was a mermaid. I had strength, confidence and ability. I dove under the surface and swam along the bottom of the pool, looking for treasure. I stretched my arms out in front of me--right, left, right, left—slicing the water out of my way, kicking briskly to go a little faster, from the shallow end to the deep and back again. I joined the neighborhood swim team and, not only did I compete—I won. I wasn’t the best swimmer by any stretch of the imagination, but when I hung out with the best ones? It was as if I belonged.
So, when Angelo signed us up for a Silver Sneakers membership at a local swim and tennis club, I was game to commit to a swimming schedule and reignite my love for swimming. As I’ve gotten older, the lure to swim is still inside me, but the opportunity hasn’t always been there. And, honestly, even when there was an opportunity—staying at a hotel, visiting a friend with a pool, even in Maine—I didn’t always take it. It was too cold, I didn’t have a suit, there wasn’t enough time—you know those excuses.
But here was an opportunity that I could make work. At first, I hemmed and hawed a bit about it: with Silver Sneakers, the membership to the club was free, but there was an added cost to use the swimming pool. (Basically we joined so we could hone our pickleball skills on their outdoor courts.) What if I didn’t use it? It would be a waste of money. I’d have to get in the car and drive there and leaving my house is always daunting for me. But I agreed to the extra membership because I wanted to have something to get me out of the house—and do something I love to do. And get some exercise.
The weather didn’t have the same commitment as I did, so the first few times I planned on going, the pool wasn’t open because of the threat of thunderstorms. When I finally did ease myself into the heated, but still chilly, Olympic sized pool, it was—challenging. But, as I know, it only takes a minute to get used to the water and once I started swimming, I’d be fine. It would be just like riding a bicycle (although the last time I rode a bicycle I almost fell off). So, I was surprised that after my first few laps, I was winded. My muscles and limbs were fine—they resumed the freestyle strokes that I prefer and propelled me through the water. But I kept having to take breaths more frequently and I ended up taking breaks between laps. I’d swim a little, get out and rest, then get back in and swim some more. More than once I thought, “Am I not able to do this anymore?” It was concerning.
But here’s the thing: I guess it's like everything I think is going to be easy because I’ve done it before, but is actually a little harder now. I looked forward to resuming my skill easily so the difficulties I experienced gave me pause. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it, but maybe I just need to keep at it. I suppose it was unrealistic to think I’d jump into the pool, swim thirty laps and hop out barely winded. And do it four or five times a week! I have to keep at all of it—and not just the swimming, but all the things in life that are challenging. Like Dory says: “Just keep swimming.” She, in fact, was referring to all the times when life gets us down, but since she’s a fish, I’ll take it at face value, too.
After all, I am a swimmer.
I swim laps 2-3 times a week. I love to swim and feel good in the water. I call them my Aquatic prayers*, with each lap I take I think intensely of someone I love. It’s a prayer and helps me keep track of what lap I’m on. I commend to you, ‘Why We Swim’ by Bonnie Tsui. Good read, thank you for your post.
Oh those lovely blue onesies gym outfits with elastic. Remember them oh so well. I always thought they looked like diaper covers.