I will admit I often have to look up some of the letters. I know the first four: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender, but the ones that have been added continue to challenge my faulty memory. So, per Wikipedia, Q is Queer or Questioning, I is Intersex and the + sign encompasses all spectrums of sexuality and gender. There are others, too, but for the purposes of illustrating my ignorance of the issues of these and similar communities, I’ll leave it at these six.
It comes up--again--for me because of a birthday party I went to recently. A local organization was celebrating their 1st birthday on the town green, which is literally 528 feet from my front door--how could I not go? I have been interested in this organization since I began seeing their posts on social media and from some of the events they’ve organized, like a Black Lives Matter rally, a women’s art show, a trans-talk to better understand that community. (They have a list of steps to become a trans ally on their website here.) Angelo and I walked up to check it out and found a rainbow of --well, rainbows--and signs and cupcakes and hair colors and face paints. We chatted with some of the team members and one of the co-founders. I entered the raffle, we applied some temporary tattoos and grabbed some of the candies scattered about in bowls.
There was one woman who looked like me: older, regular colored hair, typical t-shirt and jeans, glasses. Everyone else was out there: bright purple hair, magenta hair, nose piercings, eye piercings, revealing bodices. (Well, there’s a hint of my age right there: bodices.) The raffle included new-agey things like sage-smudging and crystal jewelry and a session for something called Titty-Pix--I didn’t enter that one. Everyone was friendly and smiling and happy. It was a birthday party after all.
It is a different community than I live in and I often experience some discomfort when exposed to it. When I was a trainer for the Anti-Defamation League I was expected to attend trainings of my own, which were held regularly throughout the year, and often were on LGBTQI+ topics. I listened attentively and collected the handouts, saving them for future reference. I felt I was open to the presentations and as far as I could tell, I wasn’t bringing my own biases to the table. But even after all that training, there are some aspects of LGBTQ life I just don’t get.
But here’s the thing: I don’t have to “get it.” I don’t have to know why a woman finds another woman attractive and I don’t have to understand why a person wants to refer to themselves as they or them. And I don’t have to know the details of how a person finds the gender they were assigned at birth to be unsuitable. It’s frankly none of my business who does what with whom in the privacy of their own homes and it doesn’t matter one whit that I am confused or awkward or mystified about anyone’s choice of who to love. There’s no fear in my discomfort, none of that hyped up concern about trans people and restrooms, because there’s just no research showing that LGBTQ folks are doing anything but actually using the restroom. In fact, members of these communities are more likely to be victims than perpetrators of any assault or violence.
Because here’s what I do get: Love is love. I clearly know that love is better than anger or hate when dealing with another human being. I know for a fact that love is healing and open and embracing and I’m not alone in knowing for certain that, “ Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”(MLK) And one more thing I know for sure is that, while I don’t know or get everything, I am comfortable with my discomfort. I will probably—no, not probably-definitely—continue to say the wrong thing, ask the awkward question, use the wrong pronoun. When I am corrected or informed otherwise, then hopefully I’ll remember it for the next time.
Happy Birthday, TRZ!
Other resources:
GLAAD - https://www.glaad.org/
GLSEN - https://www.glsen.org/
LOC: Pride Month - https://www.loc.gov/lgbt-pride-month/
Happy Pride! ❤️