The year 2021 began with my dad’s 90th birthday and quickly followed with his death less than a month later. In between my 2nd vaccination and the Delta surge, I flew to Florida with Dad’s ashes to reunite him with Mom, and then the year rounded the bend in August with Annie’s breast cancer diagnosis. We made it through Thanksgiving and headed into December canceling holiday plans due to a spike in COVID-19 cases featuring Omicron: The Variant. Not the easiest of years for my family--nor many others. However, I woke up on the first morning of 2022 (2020, too?) feeling positive and motivated. I even talked myself out of feeling guilty for staying up late, binging on my brother’s fancy malted milk balls and drinking several beverages. I was going to ring in the year with a positive outlook towards the things I would accomplish.
You know what that means, right? Within days I had misplaced that earlier motivation and began wondering who thought up that stupid Dry January thing. It’s a good thing I hadn’t made any resolutions or they’d all be broken by now. I thought I might write a little about resolutions (and how stupid they are, too) until I realized that what I really wanted to write about was not resolutions so much, but recollections.
When I think back over the past twelve months, you’d think the theme might be stress. Or frustration…even fear. But most of my recollections of the year have been about being grateful. It seems almost impossible to think about all the challenges my family and I have dealt with and come up with grateful as the overarching theme, but here we are. There’s no doubt I’ve had my moments of not-so-grateful feelings—the times when I’ve howled in my empty house how unfair life is or crying with exhaustion as I dropped into my bed at night. Because that happened, too. But then I think back on the nice email I got from my friend or the Christmas cactus I got from another friend and remembering each gesture always bring a smile to my face. This happened throughout the year. Emails, texts, phone calls, and actual letters made their way into my life from friends and family. We even got a thank you note from our mailperson. There have been many, many more instances of thoughtfulness and friendship over the year to remind me of how much love there is in my life. When I can I stop and re-collect those moments, the feeling of being grateful returns. I find it so sustaining.
But I’ll tell you what else sustains me: keeping up with Silver Linings. If you’re reading this for the first time or the fortieth (yes! I’ve posted over 40 essays!) I want to say thank you: Thank you for your interest, your comments, your ♥s, your shares and just your overall support that keeps me going. Popping in to check out the site, signing up for a free subscription or subscribing as a contributor—all of it keeps me accountable. And, not for nothing, writing every week helps me to process all of these challenges, too. So, thank you. Each and every one of you.
I don’t kid myself into thinking that this year is going to magically right itself and present me with the kinds of miracles I daydream about (writing a Christmas movie, finishing my book, Annie being cured . . .) but if I keep plodding along, I might stumble across some outcomes that are within my realm of accomplishment. For example, so far this year I’ve made a writing deadline, had a 2nd interview for a job, kept up with my weekly post and (again) almost launched my writing program Writual. (I can do it! I just know it!!) I haven’t cleaned anything or put Christmas decorations away, but I did toss out a whole bunch of Santa-wrapped chocolates I won’t be munching on and I am considering—considering—Dry January. Maybe Dry-ish January? The one thing I know for certain is that there will be a whole year of new recollections to keep. There will be a lot to be grateful for.
I’m trying to think of a happy new year but it’s hard. But always grateful for wonderfully supportive family and friends.
Gratitude is underrated, isn’t it?