As we head into this week of celebrating, eating and shopping—otherwise known as “Angelo’s Birthday Week” it naturally makes me a little reflective. (Others may also know this week as Thanksgiving Week or Christmas Decorating Week, but to each her own.) I have to admit, though, I’m not having an easy time of facing all the celebrating and smiling that will be expected of this week. Besides just getting through the last few months, we just learned that we live in a country where a white man can kill two people with an AR-15 and not get charged with ANYTHING—not homicide, not reckless endangerment, nothing. The judge even dismissed the charge of “Possession of a Dangerous Weapon by a Person Under 18” so clearly our country’s values are in trouble. And definitely that judge’s are.
But before the country did a number on my generally positive attitude, I was already in a funk. Annie’s first round of chemo ended and it didn’t have the results we hoped for. But that’s what Triple Negative breast cancer does—anything it wants to. She already has her next round of chemo—stronger, more incapacitating—scheduled so she’ll begin that in a week or so and meet with her surgeon to determine what comes next. And all this stress and bad news is leading us straight into the holidays—with the expectation of even more celebrating, socializing, partying and smiling.
Meh.
And…we typically gather at Annie’s for the Thanksgiving and birthday celebrations. How could she possibly do that, you might ask. I did. Even though I know how much she loves it--it’s her holiday; she loves the decorating, the traditional foods and the way too many yummy pies and cakes. But since it’s such a huge task, I offered to have it at our house. I thought she’d jump at the chance. But no, she still wants to host. I can kind of see why—doing as much as she can while she can do it, but as her mom, I wanted to take that off her plate. Especially with the recent news about her cancer. But you know how she handled the news? She went and posted a positive little note about it on Instagram!
There’s nothing more aggravating than being really pissed off at the world and having someone come along and remind you to be grateful. But it seems that’s what my family is insisting on doing. Annie wants to host Thanksgiving. And Angelo, who can be as dark and moody as Professor Snape, said to me this morning that, in the face of all the stuff we’re dealing with, he wants to remember to be grateful. (He better…there are birthday presents on their way…) He actually said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.” I didn’t throw up because I was still in bed and didn’t want to have to wash the sheets, so I just said, “Oh, okay. Thanks.” And got up to make coffee.
But of course I started thinking about it…dammit. When Angelo and I were taking care of Dad and experiencing some of the most difficult days of our marriage, we were still able to remark about how lucky we were. And we meant it. Particularly during the pandemic, we were able to stay home, keep Dad home and be warm and fed and safe. We were lucky; lucky to have those comforts and lucky to realize it.
So, in my renewed sense of gratitude, I went looking for that quote, thinking I should tattoo it on my arm or embroider it on a pillow or something. Often attributed to Albert Einstein, I found lots of “famous quote” websites and Etsy items bearing that phrase, but nothing that confirmed it was he who spoke those inspirational words. Until I found a page where it was disputed . . . and discovered a different quote that spoke to me even more powerfully:
“A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life is based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.”
~ from The World As I See It by Albert Einstein
This, to me, is gratitude. Remembering that, even in times of trials and suffering, I am surrounded literally and symbolically by the work and the love of others, no more specifically than in my own family. Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. What a simple and graceful way to live. I don’t have to do it 24/7—I only have to be ready to receive and return. I should be able to do that.
Around many tables this week families will be saying grace. Speaking gratitude in the midst of loss, fear, doubt, worry and grief. Putting into words the readiness for gratitude. Saying grace is offering thanksgiving. Receiving thanksgiving is gratitude. It all works out rather nicely, don’t you think?
Happy Angelo’s Birthday Week! And Happy Thanksgiving, too.
So enjoyed this piece. Very meaningful for my family. Have a wonderful family day🥰🥰
Such wise words, my friend. I, too, have to remind myself to appreciate everything that's still right in my world--down to mentally thanking traffic engineers for figuring out how to synchronize stoplights! There are so many things beyond my capability and others have cleared the way for me. I am praying for Annie and grateful for the care she is receiving. Hold onto love, hope, and gratitude, somedays it ain't easy.