One day, after sharing the news of Annie’s cancer with a friend, she told me, “I’d say I’d pray for you but I know you don’t do that kind of thing.” I guess after rebuffing several invitations to join her at her church over the last few years gave her the idea that I was some sort of atheist—or heathen—or something. I responded with something like, “I don’t know about that…I’m not against prayer” and we moved on to other, less awkward conversation. And, that’s fair—I don’t typically tell anyone I’ll pray for them or offer prayers up when someone on Facebook is sending out a call for them. Because I don’t really pray.
But do I invoke the Almighty…or whatever larger-than-my-understanding-of-the-universe is out there when I’m at a low point? As Ted Lasso, my latest spiritual guide says, “Yes, ma’am.” And I’ll take all the thoughts and prayers anyone wants to offer me—or Annie, or any of us. Just because I don’t have a functional relationship with God and praying, doesn’t mean I totally discount the effects. For me, I have just as much chance of marshalling my beliefs and love into a beneficial energy which I can share through the power of positive thinking.
Because what I do engage in is a relationship with the greater unknown; the collective unconscious. What I know and can possibly conceive of can’t be all there is—the limitations of my intelligence and understanding can’t be the limitations of all there is to know, right? That would be limiting. I believe there are always things at work in the universe in the form of energy, thought, and natural occurrences. I have the most delightful experience with synchronicity which shows up—as it should—at the most unexplained times. For example, and this happens a lot, I will suddenly think of someone whom I haven’t heard from or thought of in years and I’ll get a note or email from them. Or out of the blue I’ll see them. Or something like that. Angelo keeps telling me, “Think of finding several hundred thousand dollars and see if that shows up . . .”
But, that’s the fun of it…we never know when we’re going to get just the right message at just the right time. Recently, for me it was a Facebook post—but those aren’t so unusual. Someone’s always posting something inspirational that shows up in your newsfeed just when you log on. But there are those other times, too, when you’re just going about your business trying to make a payment on your credit card and the agent in the Chat says, “Prevention is better than the cure” just when you have been worried about the health of your family. Or when you’re struggling with whether or not to spend the money and time sending your husband back to Italy and your dental hygienist says, “I just read an article about a man with Alzheimer’s who did everything he could do while he could do it because he felt it’s better to die with memories than dreams.”
The reason Ted Lasso is my new spirit guide is because of his sign: Believe. I believe in the energy that is out there and the ways it helps and guides us. I suppose everyone interprets and integrates this into their own lives as they see fit. And for some, it involves prayer. I guess I shy away from prayer because I’ve never really understood praying for something. I don’t believe in praying for an outcome or a cure . . . or several hundred thousand dollars. My prayer takes the form of shoring up my faults. I pray for strength and clarity. I pray for shelter from the storm. And patience for myself…because I make a bunch of mistakes. I often find myself repeating the Serenity Prayer and that usually does the trick for me.
My mom prayed. She was what we referred to as religious and we used to tease her about her “Jesus” books. And boy did she believe; it showed up as angels and tiny shrines to love and Jesus all over the house. And while I don’t have such tendencies myself, I am grateful for the ones my mom left behind. In the last two months since I shared Annie’s diagnosis on the brink of her first chemo session, she has completed eight more rounds. She had an immediate allergic reaction to one of the medications, but no real severe side effects; she’s kept her hair (so far) and has had the typical fatigue and brain fog. The exhaustion kept her from joining a family trip to Maine and the only reason she’s missed work is because of the added doctor’s appointments. Through it all, we’ve been buoyed by the love—and yes, prayers—from family and friends and new friends. I can’t even imagine how my mom would have taken Annie’s cancer diagnosis, but I believe she’d definitely be praying. And I’d be grateful.
Glad to hear about Annie. I think often of you guys. I think of myself as an atheistic agnostic because I feel there's any way I can know whether there's Something or Nothing. I certainly believe in love and its power. And I'm keeping Rich in my mind and heart all the time, though I miss his physical presence terribly.
So sorry you weren't reelected. Your integrity and honesty did you in. I'm so pessimistic about our country now. There's so much stupidity and meanness around. It feels dangerous to me, the direction we're going in. Wow, sorry to be so bleak! Thank goodness for family and friends! And you!!
This is SO my version of religion! Hugs...