“Vacation
[I] Had to get away
Vacation
Meant to be spent alone”
~ The Go Gos
In the months after my Dad’s death, I was heard to mutter . . . “I need a vacation.” And as much as I fantasized about a trip somewhere or a quick getaway, we were still mid-pandemic and spending time with hordes of people I didn’t know (or trust, to be honest) on planes, in hotels or restaurants wasn’t a tempting thought. My fantasies included warm sand, warmer sun, sparkling beverages and a strong wifi signal. Also being by myself. Not that I didn’t wish the same dream situation for Angelo, but I was feeling a strong urge to be alone.
I-we-were grateful to be able to have Dad with us. I love having my people around me; I love being in my home and having kids and cousins and in laws and friends come over. Hosting a big holiday dinner or snacks and drinks on the porch—I’m happy to do it. But when I’m done, I’m done and in search of some rejuvenation.
In the months that followed, it felt like opportunities to take that break were falling fewer and farther apart. Summer came and went, school started, holidays loomed…when would I just bolt for some me-time?
I’m a lucky person: there are places I can go with little trouble or convincing. There’s the family cottage in Maine, my cousin has extended practically an open invitation to visit her in Venice, Florida and my friend Trudy has a big ol’ new maison in the south of France just begging for company. My daughter in Phoenix has a pool and works all day…so even that is a possibility with the bonus of seeing the grandtwins (but I’m pretty sure Angelo would want to come). So, even as I count my blessings, I can’t really act upon them. The cottage is only accessible 6 months of the year and the rest of the blessings require traveling by air with those other people whose complete disregard for science and troubling political stances annoy me.
One thing Angelo and I did discover is that many times, when we both lamented about wanting to get away, we always circled back to the fact that we actually liked being home. We have a largely empty nest, a private back porch, a recently paved patio off the end of the porch and a newly acquired Solo stove to provide heat and ambience for sitting outside. And a fireplace inside when the temperature dips. We have all the makings for a perfect “stay-cation” at our fingertips except for the my-being-alone part. Again . . .not that I don’t like Angelo, but time alone was starting to move to the top of the vacation needs list.
At some point, I think I started referring to my getaway as a retreat. I think it was after I began suggesting that maybe Angelo could find somewhere to go for a weekend and then I could be alone in my own home! Heaven!! There were several “retreats” I found for him—but he was of the same mind as me—he liked being home, too. So we started having in-home retreat weekends where we each did the stuff we wanted to do, ate when we wanted to, watched TV or go to bed early, but on our own schedules. There was no, “Well, then what do you want to eat tonight, honey?” or “Actually, painting the downstairs bathroom is not something I was looking forward to doing.”
So, I have stay-cations or in-home retreats within easy reach and lots of other options if I ever get over my corona/agoraphobia. Clearly a first-world problem, but it is also true that there are times when you just need some time alone. Remember that scene from the Big Chill?
KAREN: I feel like I've never been alone
-in my own home. Never. Either Richard is there or
the boys or the housekeeper.
Remember those lab rats that went nuts
when they were deprived of their privacy?SARAH: They're living with you too?!
(I can find a Big Chill quote for every life situation . . . )
Sometimes you need a little vacation…for whatever reason. It can look like anything you want it to—be as short or as long as you can manage--but I think the main thing is that you get to spend some time alone. For me, as an introvert, my energy is recharged by not spending time with others. Extroverts thrive on activity, but I bet even an extrovert wouldn’t mind a little break now and then. Life is hard and it it’s relentless and we all need to gather up our resources and get ready for the next thing. How lucky am I that I have so many options to be able to do it. Because we all know, that next thing is coming.
It's time to plan a vacation.
Yes! I love your retreat weekends. Sometimes negotiating all the small mutual activities can get, well, tedious. Also, sometimes I like to eat in front of the tv and wear my comfys.
❤️
I think I am living your dream, Cindy, and this dear little apartment on treasure Island. Rich and I have stayed here for a number of years and I was apprehensive about being alone, but he truly is with me and I am happy to say that I am enjoying it. The beautiful weather, soft breezes and sunsets add immeasurably. I think of Annie and of you and wish you the very best. 💕🌺🍷🎶😍