I hear it all the time…particularly from women around my age; women who still feel creative and energetic and motivated and want to work, but have “retired” for one reason or another. Often the retirement was against their wishes—it was just time. Whatever that means. (I know, I know what it means…it means they got too old, right?) But they’d love to find another job that is more in line with what they want to do, rather than what they had to do for a living. One friend lamented recently that she’s just not good at getting jobs. She’s good at doing them, just not at getting them.
Don’t I know it.
For many reasons, I am still in the job market. I mean…I’m a writer, but that gig isn’t paying the bills, you know? So, as many writers do, I look for other work in the form of teaching or speaking. My one steady job is as an adjunct English teacher, but if enrollment goes down, so does the need for an adjunct.
I also peddle my expertise in the form of writing classes—those I offer myself and those I teach for other organizations. When they ask. This also isn’t a guaranteed income stream unless you’re Brené Brown or Cheryl Strayed, but we can’t all be those women, can we?
I have to admit, earning an income is kind of tied into how I feel about how well I’m taking care of my family. If I’m not bringing home the bacon, just frying it up in a pan doesn’t seem to qualify as an equal contribution. This is an old notion and I don’t know how widely it’s shared among generations after us Boomers, but I suspect there are threads of it running through all of them. And possibly not just for women, either, but I bet this idea of worth-tied-to-income is prevalent among us. Another friend shared with me that she feels “bad” that she isn’t earning her keep since she stopped working. After she retired she devoted hours and hours each week in volunteer work, but that was pre-pandemic. Now, she spends time caring for the grandkids while both parents are working, one of whom who works out of town. Her days are filled with after school sports, social activities, meals and appointments.
Not earning her keep? She’s OUT-earning her keep—by a long shot. But because the hours she spends and the proficiency she demonstrates isn’t quantified, it doesn’t count.
But of course it does. She’s serving an essential purpose.
You know how sometimes you come across a random word in an article or conversation, and soon it begins popping up all over the place? That happened to me with this word: ikigai. This is a Japanese concept and “it refers to that which brings value and joy to life: from people, such as one’s children or friends, to activities including work and hobbies.” My first encounter with the term was in an article by Richard Eisenberg—an “unretired” retiree. He was writing to urge those people who were newly retired to “find their ikigai.” In Richard’s words, it means:
“…finding what you love (your passion), what you’re good at (your vocation), what you can do that the world needs (your mission) and what you can be paid for (your “profession,” though getting paid could be financially or psychically through volunteering or mentoring).”
Then, all sorts of people started referring to their ikigai. It came up in conversation after conversation until I realized it reminded me of all those books my dad kept sending me; books that were meant to encourage me to do good work, but also find work that I loved. You know the ones—What Color is Your Parachute? and Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow to name a couple. I added every book my dad sent to my bookshelves and went to work. Over the years, I have worked a lot—sometimes doing what I love (teaching, writing) sometimes just trying to get a paycheck (secretary, oil company salesperson, restaurant hostess).
Now, at retirement age, I found my purpose—writing. The trick is to get it to fund my living expenses. I went looking for my copy of Parachute to see if it could still help and surprisingly, I couldn’t find it! All those years of lugging it around I suppose I finally let it go. Maybe I finally decided a book wasn’t going to tell me the secret recipe, the golden key to find work I want to do and have all that money follow me around like a cute puppy. I think my purpose, my ikigai is to write stuff. Books, essays, articles. It helps me make sense of the world around me and I believe I can share that information with others and help them. What am I going to do instead? Become a barista? I think I’m just going to have to keep writing and see what comes.
It's not like I can stop now.
More about being unretired from Richard Eisenberg—a wealth of information about seniors, retirement, Medicare, and more.
This is lovely 🥰 I think it’s also important to remember that the thing you love and want to do doesn’t necessarily have to “help others”. There seems to also be a pressure to only pursue that which is of aid to others. Whilst this is lovely, if that is what you truly want to do, it is important that a person doesn’t feel of less value (as with being valued by pay) for pursuing something that doesn’t necessarily serve others. Hope that makes sense? Does anyone else agree? ☺️
Thanks for this thoughtful essay. I enjoyed reading it. The word ‘retired’ used to express clear meaning. It doesn’t any longer. It’s a confusing label. I try not to use it.