Women

Just a little something I threw together for International Women’s Day

As an adjunct English teacher, I am always assigning papers to my students. I try to remain objective about their topics, even as they reflect opinions I may not agree with. I get it…you don’t want your guns taken away or you think gas cars are more economical. Sure…prove it. So, when it was recently time to choose their Argument essay topic, one student—a male—chose the topic that “women get more advantage in our society” or some bullshit like that. Whoops! Did I say that out loud? Not objective, I guess. At least on this topic.  

Since March is Women’s History Month and it was recently International Women’s Day, I thought I’d use my space and energy to make it clear, in case there was any doubt, how I feel about women.

I love them.

When I was listening to the news the other day, there was a story on the opening of the first lesbian bar in LA. I couldn’t help but think what a perfect idea that was. Can you imagine? Just hanging out with women, drinking wine, laughing and feeling safe in a public place? Enough bathrooms might be an issue, but the stalls would be designed properly at least. For more than a few minutes, I fantasized about opening one myself. How great would that be…? (I might still be thinking about it . . . )

I love being around women, and their strength, their tenderness. I love the first women who shaped my heart and soul—my mom, my grandmothers, my sister. Agnes was a traditional Swedish grandma…I remember her always in an apron urging me to eat whatever buttery, fragrant morsels she was serving. I was always compliant. Helen was not a traditional Swedish grandma…she was Nana. I refer to her as the first divorced woman in America; she lived in Reno for six weeks to get the divorce and my mom had to live with cousins that she barely knew.

Pattie, my mom carried that experience with her, which I believe made her insecure about raising children, but she forged ahead anyway. She—and my dad—instilled in us our responsibility to care about others. It was a strength for them; it is a strength of their children. Not the least of whom was Susie, my sister.

Nobody who ever knew Susie could say she wasn’t strong. Stubborn? Sure. Distracted. Yep. But strong to the core as she created communities of love and help and support wherever she lived. Cancer took her down, but nothing else could. Her spark is still with me—every day.

I love all the women in my family, the cousins and aunts and in-laws who provide me with a ring of safety and reliability. This includes my donne Italiane—my Italian women. And there are many, all of whom welcomed me into the family with warmth and generosity. No matter that we couldn’t talk—we could communicate. The language of women is international.

And, do I have incredible women friends? I can’t even count the ways in which every single one has given me strength when I’ve stumbled, a shoulder when I’ve cried or applause when I’ve succeeded. There may be women out there who aren’t that great at friendship, but they’re not among the women I call friends…nowhere in sight.

I love the sisterhood of She Writes Press—the women who bring their stories into life with courage and intelligence. I never imagined that publishing a book would bring with it so much support and care, and I suspect in traditional publishing, it doesn’t. But the She Writes community of women is amazingly steadfast and supportive. If you’re a woman and want to publish a book, you should definitely look into She Writes Press. (If you’re a man—oh, well ;)

But you know which women I love the most—my daughters including in-laws and outlaws. Each one has met and faced greater challenges than a mom ever wants to see her daughters face and yet—they’ve all done so with grace, strength and compassion. And they’re beautiful, funny, smart, fierce and generous. I don’t know how I got so lucky to be part of their lives.

So, I’m sending love and gratitude to all my women, literally all over the world, all deserving of much more. They demonstrate over and over that behind every woman is another woman. Women show up, they provide safety and stand firm.

And they all would totally come to my new bar.