Does anyone else have a problem remembering stuff? C’mon…raise your hands. High, so I can see them. (I can’t see well anymore, either.) I thought so. I’m not the only one.
This memory and aging thing is a bit of a pain sometimes. Luca and I watched Jurassic Park 2 the other day and an actor appeared onscreen who I hadn’t remembered being in the film. (I didn’t remember much of the that film to be honest, and I don’t think it’s associated with a bad memory…just it being a bad film.) I said, “Oh look! He’s in this? That’s . . . uh . . .um . . . who is that guy? Angelo! What’s that guy’s name?” He didn’t know either. His helpful reminder was, “Wasn’t he in that funny movie with that other guy?” I managed to recall the name had a V in it, but in a few minutes I surrendered and let the Internet tell me: Vince Vaughn. (I really nailed it with that V thing, though.)
Such is the life of a senior, I suppose. And I am officially a senior because I get the discounts at the grocery and by my next birthday I’ll be a Beatles song. There is a certain amount of memory loss to be expected as one ages past sixty or so as the brain changes its processing patterns. I like to think my brain is tossing out old information that isn’t needed, much like I should be doing in my garage and attic. But using that same analogy, it appears my brain is tossing out stuff I might still want, like I toss out things without checking with Angelo. (It was an old spoon! Why do we need seven slotted spoons?) I can’t remember that New Year’s when Angelo and I went out on like our 100th first date and we finally decided to just be together and get married some day. In my defense, we did a lot of on again/off again dating in the early years…no wonder I can’t keep track.
But it is frustrating to forget what you walked into the kitchen for or all five things on your to-do list after you convinced yourself you could remember “just a few things” and not have to write it down as you ran out the door. I remember when Dad was with us and he’d complain about forgetting things all the time. I would try to be lighthearted or positive about it and say things like, “join the club!” or “nobody remembers things anymore!” My intention—when I wasn’t frustrated from hearing it so often—was to remind him that it was normal to forget names and places from time to time. And it is…unless it’s not. We learned Dad had MCI—mild cognitive impairment—and the frustration wasn’t just that he couldn’t remember where he put his glasses, but from the loss of sense of self. There were many other factors involved in Dad’s memory loss, of course. And when we went to the doctor, he’d downplay it as if it was the typical forgetfulness, which made it harder to finally diagnose. Talking to doctors—or anyone—about memory loss is a thing that keeps people from addressing a more serious issue; memory problems that begin to interfere with normal daily life and activities are not considered normal aging.
For now, though, I’m talking about the typical forgetfulness, which is hopefully what I’m experiencing. I wrote a little bit about this last summer…about how there may be things I won’t be able to recall, but that I can be present for memories in the making: when we Facetime the grandtwins in Phoenix or watch bad movies with Luca on a snowy afternoon.
So, memory does fade…but it remains in other places. Specifically in those we love—and who love and remember us.
I am in the forgetfulness club too. Generally it’s names of people, songs, or shows, present and past. Like your V, there is always a little defining clue to help track down the identity. This morning it was the chorus of a song I woke up singing. The last line was the song title. I hummed and sang it again and again, but crumbled when I arrived at that line. Later in the day, waiting in a grocery line behind a queue of masked shoppers, I was singing it softly to myself and finally broke through to the last line as if I always knew it. The song was Brenda Russell’s Piano in the Dark. I felt like belting it out after that, but managed to spare everyone around me. :)