No, not from me—from the podcast I always talk about, Tiny Victories. I don’t think I have to explain, do I, that I am a big fan of this podcast and both of its hosts, Annabelle Gurwitch and Laura House. I had the honor of meeting Annabelle at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, and not only did I get to see her in person, she critiqued something I wrote. (Insert fainting spell here.) In addition to the podcast, Laura apparently does a ton of other things, but one thing I’ve recently discovered is that she is a really engaging and honest writer. It’s not a huge mystery to understand why the show has such a devoted following—it’s not just me, I know there are others. I’ve met them.
The whole point of the show is to remind us to be aware of the tiny victories that happen in our lives. It’s one of the reasons I try to keep up with the weekly episodes as I continue to be swamped by the challenges and fears of having cancer invade our family. I’ll take any reminders I can. And honestly, the tiny victory concept is one I can handle, especially as we head into the holidays. I know, for many of you “the holidays” arrived in a pumpkin (spice) coach with flannel-attired footmen around mid-October, but for me things start getting real about a week after Thanksgiving. This year, holidays plus cancer is just a little more than I am able to handle.
Because everyone is so cheerful and sparkly and hopeful. There are so many twinkly lights and gingerbread houses and Santa hats. Even though Annie has forbidden me to peer into the future without any actual fact-based evidence, I admit, there are times when my mind wanders there. And I’m not happy about it. Or sparkly or hopeful. My typical Pollyanna demeanor has been tested these last sixteen months since Annie’s diagnosis and even though I considered doing a little Christmas shopping the other day, the whole Christmas spirit thing is daunting. In my defense, our Christmases have always been on the laid-back side rather than the whole Hallmark movie extravaganza kind, but I could usually tap into the collective excitement generated by everyone else’s preparations and stuff stockings, wrap presents and bake cookies.
So, the helpful tiny victory that showed up for me was when I was reminded that all these bad days I’m having might not be actual “bad days.” Maybe something bad happened for a minute or an hour, but it wasn’t for the entire day. Maybe some of those bad days when that one bad thing happened, were pretty good for the rest of it. Maybe. But it was enough for me to realize that I don’t have to fall into a funk because of one bad message. Or email. Or phone call. Or all three, but I can still salvage the rest of the day. Why do I color the whole day based on the bad thing that happened rather than the good things that are still available to me? I am safe and warm in my home. I have tons of love in my life and in my heart. I can light a candle, hide under a blanket and stay there for as long as I need to. I know how to bake cookies.
The holidays hit hard and the last few years have been a lot—for many of us. Having to negotiate our challenges against the backdrop of a global pandemic and a national degradation of democracy has been nearly impossible. And now it’s Christmas?? If I were to offer advice, I’d say skip it. Don’t force yourself to enjoy the holidays by anyone else’s measure but your own. Come up with a couple of boundaries and stick with them; enjoy what you can and excuse yourself from the rest. Christmas—and the rest of the seasonal holidays—are about finding meaning in our celebrations. What’s meaningful to one person may not be to another—even in the same family. And meaning changes with time and experience. The point is, you get to decide.
Seriously, take my advice.
And the little victory of your post about little victories is what I needed to hear today. Sometimes my awfulizing of life obscures its joy. And even on bad days, there’s always joy.
When we resist what is we get fixated on a tiny slice of experience and miss everything else. Radical Acceptance makes room for tiny victories and that opens us up for gratitude, compassion and kindness. Thank you for leading the way Cindy!