Terrific Cindy. I’m also not a huge fan of the stages of grief – I think it unfairly sets people up for expectations that are unrealistic. And you did a great job of laying that out, so thank you! (I’ve only read two of your posts, but both were fantastic and I’m subscribing.)
Hi Cindy ~ I have been on this grief roller coaster for 12 years, still learning how I want to share about my sweet girl. I am grateful to Esther @losingmytosuicide - Loves Lives On (HH&P) for sharing this post. Grateful that the anger stage was very delayed and on the softer side, I can’t find a better word for what I experienced.
Perfect title for your offering to say the very least!
It's so interesting to see how grief is different for everyone one of us. There may be 6,000 stages but there are millions of individual experiences. My pattern with grief is primarily anger maybe even more rage... and that is it's overriding quality. I have worked out all the other stages including meaning but all of them are rooted in rage. I am okay with that. To paraphrase Dylan Thomas... Wise men, Good men, Wild men, Grave men... "Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage,rage against the dying of the light"
Oh boy, that bit about feeling guilty for not doing certain things at the end as Rich was dying really hit home. It still whacks me at various times, like when I’m just falling asleep, or at simply unexplainable times. It catches me off guard because in general I’m doing so well.
I've joked with my one friend that I've skipped all the stages and just stayed on anger since our mutual friend's cancer diagnosis just 9 months before she passed. She died in January and I'm still mostly angry, like a toddler having a tantrum (IT'S UNFAIR, IT'S UNFAIR, IT'S UNFAIR!). I honestly feel like I've had no other stage. I am feeling peace nestle in more often than not now about losing one of my best friends and her NOT getting to live the rest of her beautiful life, but for her young widower and young children, I am still angry. Just where I am. I guess it's different for everyone. My anger won't help them for sure and I don't show it in front of them. But it's there. Guess I have to give it time to mellow out. Or maybe I'll always just be mad about this and I guess that's o.k. too. Lots of people are. Not sure how to accept in this case. For me, yes, but not for them. I keep hearing her tell me to chill. They'll be alright. It's hard.
Some of the most painful times I've experienced have been when I've imagined the grief of Annie's son and husband. All her family, really. It takes as much time and as many "stages" as you need. xo
Everything you write helps me breathe deeper. 🤍
Terrific Cindy. I’m also not a huge fan of the stages of grief – I think it unfairly sets people up for expectations that are unrealistic. And you did a great job of laying that out, so thank you! (I’ve only read two of your posts, but both were fantastic and I’m subscribing.)
Thanks for your thoughts--and for subscribing! :)
Hi Cindy ~ I have been on this grief roller coaster for 12 years, still learning how I want to share about my sweet girl. I am grateful to Esther @losingmytosuicide - Loves Lives On (HH&P) for sharing this post. Grateful that the anger stage was very delayed and on the softer side, I can’t find a better word for what I experienced.
Perfect title for your offering to say the very least!
“Lassotude” is so the opposite of “Lassitude” - good call!
It's so interesting to see how grief is different for everyone one of us. There may be 6,000 stages but there are millions of individual experiences. My pattern with grief is primarily anger maybe even more rage... and that is it's overriding quality. I have worked out all the other stages including meaning but all of them are rooted in rage. I am okay with that. To paraphrase Dylan Thomas... Wise men, Good men, Wild men, Grave men... "Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage,rage against the dying of the light"
I have guilt about some things even though I know it’s pointless 🙄
Well, don't feel guilty about it :) You can listen to the waves above and absolve both of us of a little guilt. xo
Love this piece so much, especially your added stages! :)
Definitely! Grief theory is constantly evaluated and enhanced by this kind of qualitative data! 😊
Thank you! I should contact Kessler, no? ;)
P.S. LOVED Lassotude!
Oh boy, that bit about feeling guilty for not doing certain things at the end as Rich was dying really hit home. It still whacks me at various times, like when I’m just falling asleep, or at simply unexplainable times. It catches me off guard because in general I’m doing so well.
You are AMAZING! I am so proud of you and all the good work--and writing!--you're doing. But I get whacked by it myself--at those same times. xo
I've joked with my one friend that I've skipped all the stages and just stayed on anger since our mutual friend's cancer diagnosis just 9 months before she passed. She died in January and I'm still mostly angry, like a toddler having a tantrum (IT'S UNFAIR, IT'S UNFAIR, IT'S UNFAIR!). I honestly feel like I've had no other stage. I am feeling peace nestle in more often than not now about losing one of my best friends and her NOT getting to live the rest of her beautiful life, but for her young widower and young children, I am still angry. Just where I am. I guess it's different for everyone. My anger won't help them for sure and I don't show it in front of them. But it's there. Guess I have to give it time to mellow out. Or maybe I'll always just be mad about this and I guess that's o.k. too. Lots of people are. Not sure how to accept in this case. For me, yes, but not for them. I keep hearing her tell me to chill. They'll be alright. It's hard.
Some of the most painful times I've experienced have been when I've imagined the grief of Annie's son and husband. All her family, really. It takes as much time and as many "stages" as you need. xo